patchwork

second last project of the year.

*takes a deep breath*



I ended up changing my plan at the last minute, because my previous idea was not working at all. This idea actually terrified me for a while. To make a work that deals this much with my own personal history is to be naked and vulnurable more than anything else I've done in my practice so far. That is probably what makes this seem like such a powerful work.

Anyways, here's some pictures and my artist statement.

Stories, and storytelling, are an important part of life. Stories connect us to other people, they help us understand the world in which we live. This work explores the changing relationship I have had with my body throughout my life, and the long road that led to acceptance of my body and my gender. Because being transgendered is not something commonly understood, this is a story I've had to retell many times to many people. Indeed, being transgendered sometimes means becoming a storyteller of ones gender history: to oneself, to friends and family, to the doctors and psychiatrists in charge of approving transition. Using found materials – including some that were used in my clothing as a child – I embroidered and embellished fragments of my past and then stitched them together to create a coherent whole. The quilt motif refers to the comforting and protective roles that textiles play in our lives, as well as the use as quilts in history as a way of telling stories.

This project has been an intense process for me, because it forced me to relive the past and face the embodied memories caught in the cloth I worked. I found cloth from a dress my mother made me when I was very young – one that she treasures still, each stitch sewn with love for the girl I was supposed to be – and I was able to transform it into something new and meaningful for the person that I have become. In reworking my past I learned to have compassion for it, and I hope that in sharing my past with others I can help spread understanding.

best final project ever: cookies

So, instead of a final exam, or essay, one of my instructors decided we'd do a "Textile Bake-off" instead. We have to make food, and justify it as being textile related. Any kind of food whatsoever. We're meeting up today to talk about the food we made, have tea, and eat it all.


I made cookies shaped like drop spindles, and spun sugar.



I love it when homework doesn't feel like homework.

Current Projects: Research and Tapestries

My life has been overtaken with research projects. I currently have two on-going, one for my textiles-based art history course, and another for surface design. I'm loving both classes, although they're both challenging for different reasons.

All of the research I've been doing this term has me almost starting to enjoy the process, which is rather frightening! I've never been the kind of person to find research interesting and enjoyable, unless it's for something completely unrelated to school. (Like my obsession with Sailor Moon as a teen, which shall never be mentioned again.) But I'm realising how much I'm learning through all of this, and I do love to learn. And apparently ancient Chinese silk trade can actually be rather fascinating. Did you know they used to use it as currency? To the point where the government would forbid the use of metal coin so that people would be forced to use silk.

I am now full of (even more) useless information.



In other news, I've finished two tapestries in my tapestry class. It's a very labour-intensive process, taking sometimes up to an hour to do an inch of weaving. It also takes a lot of focus; you have to keep making decisions as to colour or problem-solving all of the technical issues that invariable pop up. I find it to be really meditative and soothing. I can't think or worry about anything else when I sit down at my loom. There is just me and my tapestry and the wonderful process of creation.


The first two projects for this class are technical experiments. Trying out different ways of working and seeing what works best for us. It was fun to play around with the technique before settling down and deciding on a more committed and serious project. I've decided to work on a piece based on one of my favourite fairy stories, the Six Swans (also sometimes the Thirteen Swans or the Three Ravens). It goes along with my current theme of transformation, and those stuck between worlds. I don't have any image of what it looks like just now - I've barely started - but I'll certainly snap some photos as I continue to work on it. I'm really excited to see what it'll be like when it's finished.

*happy dance*

Wicked news!

I'm super excited to announce that I'm a part of a show currently running at the Marion Nichol Gallery. It's called 'Debunking the Binary Myth' and it's a collection of gender-related pieces done by the trans* students and alumni of my school. It's running for three weeks, from the first to the twentieth - which is also the Trans Day of Remembrance. It's an amazing series of work, and I highly encourage all of my friends in the city to check it out.

midterms are eating my brains

Third year is exponentially harder than second year. Just FYI. I won't burden (all four) of my readers by complaining more than I already have about my midterms and my lack of sleep. Here are some links to shiny things instead.

Jan Durina - Beautiful photography.

del lagrace volcano - I believe I discovered this artist doing research into body/identity/gender issues. He's also an amazing photographer. Plus he takes pictures of drag kings. What's not to like?

John Kenn - He makes the most amazing monster drawings on post-it notes. I kid you not. The intricacy and eeriness of his works is astounding.

Kent Monkman - I was actually lucky enough to see some of his work at the Glenbow Museum. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in a museum before. His pieces are technically strong (I hate him so much for being a better painter than I'll ever be), and humourous and yet still contain potent social messages. I also have a signed art book of his. *glee*

Visioluxus - lots of photographers. Beautiful, crazy photographs. Potentially not safe for work, if your work is the kind of place that gets uptight about boobies.

Vintage Blog - A French blog, they post pictures from the late 1800s to early 1900s. Lots of Art Nouveau and other awesome images.

stuff and things

Autumn is arrived at last, bringing with it a warmth that we didn't have all summer. The sun shines, the birds sing, the trees slowly (or not-so-slowly, it seems) turn the colour of flames.

October is just around the corner, and brings with it the threat of imminent mid-terms. I'm not entirely sure where the time has gone. I feel like last week it was August.


My business cards arrived the other day! I got them from here, and they're wondrous. The card-stock is nice and thick, and the images are clear. And - better yet! - they're all image of my own work.

Here's some pics of stuff I've been working on. I feel sort of like I should be doing more stuff, like I'm not being productive enough, but I think that's my brain telling me stupid things.



I love that I get to make pretty things at school. I love that it's what I'm planning on doing for the rest of my life.

beginning of school

The first week of school is over. It's always interesting going back to school - things change, and stay the same. I'm taking different courses, but I know most of the instructors and most of the students around me. I'm fortunate to be in a small college where I can say that. I couldn't imagine being in a large university or somewhere where I'd only recognize a handful of the people I see each day. My school is my community, and my department more so.

The most exciting part of going back to school is I get my own studio space. It's not much: a desk and a cupboard, pretty much. But it's a large step up from a locker. Plus I'm surrounded by other fibre students, which is always fun. We're all a little crazy, which you have to be in fibre. Still, I find being surrounded by artists is one of the most inspiring things ever.


Note the inspirational calendar. ;) I'm sure in a few weeks I won't be able to see the top of my desk under the piles of fabrics, books, and other random stuff I seem to pile onto every horizontal surface when I work.

Now, I'm sure there's some homework somewhere that I have to do...

gone gaga

Once a month I perform at a drag king show with a troupe called Fake Mustache. I've been performing for about three years now, and I love it so much. At the last show I donned a wig, make-up, as many rhinestones as I could stomach and performed the gayest version of Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" that anyone has ever seen.
It was brilliant. One of these days I really will become a drag queen. I spent quite a while making the costume for it as well, which is one of the reasons I'm so proud of myself. Costuming is one of my favourite things to do. It's such a challenge to create something that is recognizable, accurate, and almost never comes with its own pattern. And since this performance was more a gender-fuck than true queening I decided I needed the top to act as a binder as well.

i am

Vancouver

The weekend before last I went to Vancouver with a group of friends to go to Pride and perform in the Dyke March. We'd been preparing for this trip for months - we had practices twice a week which were both intense and hilarious.

It was an awesome trip. We drove out there, most of us leaving at around four in the morning on the Thursday, and driving all day. Sunrise in the mountains is a wonderful thing, although I'd have gladly missed it for a couple hours more sleep that day. But it was nice to get out of Calgary for once, and to experience the breath-taking beauty of the mountains and forests that still fills me with joy. I spent most of the weekend with my best friend, whom I haven't seen since June, wandering around Vancouver and just generally hanging out. I like Vancouver. I could live there, I think, if I decide to leave Calgary after I've finished getting my degree. I wouldn't mind getting to live right by the ocean.

I find it quite ironic that both my best friends live in supposedly rainy cities, and yet Calgary has been getting more rain this summer than London and Vancouver combined. Vancouver was sunny, humid and hot. We performed our number on Saturday afternoon under the blazing sun. It went amazingly well, although that's not really a surprise. Our choreographer is a genius, and we practiced cursed hard to get everything as close to perfect as humanly possible. The video can be found here. I also got to see the Black Parade Kings perform for the first time. They're one of Van's drag king troupes, and there was a friendly rivalry going on between us since we were all performing at the same venue. They did really well, although, naturally, we did better.

*laughs* Kidding. Mostly.

The Pride Parade was long and impressive. I arrived late with some friends, and we still didn't manage to stay to the very end. And the crowds were even more impressive. I don't know that I'd be able to manage Pride in Toronto or New York or places where they must get even more people out. That might be a little bit much.

I came home on the second, which was another really long drive. Spent a couple days recovering (sadly I caught a really bad cold in Vancouver), and now I'm back into my summer schedule of working and relaxing. School starts in a month. I'll be a third year, which is super exciting. I may even get my own studio space for once!

the world mine

I, the poet.
The world - mine!
Captured, in essence
line by line.

**

I used to write a lot of poetry. I honestly don't think I could have gotten through my teen-angst years without the help of many a pathetic couplet. These past few years I've stopped writing as much as I used to, down from one poem a day to maybe one a year. It wasn't until I started going through some creativity activities in a book when I remembered that years ago I actually considered myself a poet - a title I have not felt comfortable claiming for a very long time.

The book is about unblocking creativity. I didn't even consider myself blocked (since I'd spent the last semester creating at least one piece of art every two weeks or so), not until I remembered that I haven't really written anything in recent memory. No stories, no comics, no poetry. And I used to have notebooks and notebooks of writing. Now? I draw. I'll scribble a line or two in my sketchbooks of poetic-type language (the dust remembers the shape of the rain) and then forget about it. Part of me misses creative writing, though. I'm comfortable with written language, far more so than I am with spoken language, as anyone who has spoken to me on the telephone has probably already guessed. It's easier for me to process things through words on a page in a way that I can't do aloud - by the time I've collected my thoughts the conversation has changed.

I wasn't sure about the creativity exercises, didn't know if they would work for me. Then, last week, I came up with four poems in the bath. I think I've written a total of maybe four poems in the past three years. It was amazing. It was like part of myself, long dormant, had finally re-awoken.

On Bread and Other Things

I bake my own bread. I started doing it last fall, just after I became vegan and discovered that the only 100% vegan bread that my bakery sells is about $5.00 a loaf. Which is ridiculous. I can buy 5 kilos of flour for that much money, which will keep me rolling in bread for two months. I couldn't keep baking bread throughout the school year - it took to much time - but as soon as summer vacation came around I was up to my elbows in flour again.
I think baking is a creative endeavor. It's a transformation from one state to another - from a pile of ingredients to something beautiful and delicious. Everybody loves fresh bread, when I worked at a bakery the loaves would sell twice as fast if they were still warm. And it's not that difficult to make bread; all one really requires is patience. There's something lovely and meditative about the process. The kneading and the waiting, and then the kneading and the waiting. Then you stick it in the oven and wait some more. I always feel so much calmer after I'm done, more centred, more myself.

In other news, last week I made a necklace. See, a year or so ago I started wearing a collar all the time. Part of it was just because I like the aesthetic of it (still do, really), but it was also because I was just getting over an abusive relationship and the idea of self-ownership appealed to me. I was coming to terms with the fact that I can't count on other people to look after me - I have to look out for myself, and care for myself, and listen to my own limits. I wore that collar, and the next one I made, almost every day. However, it's gotten to the point where wearing a collar is impractical. It's too warm; it'll make me sweat all of the time; I can't wear it at work. So I decided to create something smaller, and more work-friendly.


I found some beads, a key, hemp, and a charm shaped like a lock. A couple hours later I was good to go. It's still really itchy because the hemp is so new, but other than that it's perfect.

new drawing, old poem

I am not a poet
Nor an artist -
call me my name or nothing
Even that seems
to bunch and itch
Somedays,
you can't scratch in public.
Ill-fitt, you call me
I twist to hear,
but these metaphors aren't mine.
You aren't talking to me
anyway
Don't call my name:
I am nothing
And nothing cannot be grasped
in sound.
I'll disappear,
A hermit in shadow
Madperson no one sees.
Nothing.

Don't call me labels,
Don't -
Don't call me.
I am not an artist.
I am not comprised of words.

they make me feel so alive

It's a dismal, rainy sort of day today. It's a good kind of day to sit inside and make art, preferably with a pot of vegan chili bubbling in the background.


I just finished adding the final touches to a painting I started on Sunday. I wanted to start painting earlier, but I kept getting distracted by lost painting equipment (my drop cloth, to protect the kitchen table from flung water), or doing my taxes. It was kind of a good thing though: I was forced to spend more time doing thumbnail sketches and solidifying my composition. I work very intuitively a lot of the time, so forcing myself to slow down and think about what I wanted it to look like when I was done.


This was the first painting that I used an under-painting for, and I think that it turned out awesomely. It's definitely a technique I'll have to continue to use for future paintings.

The image is based on a rainbow I saw last year whilst driving through the Rocky Mountains with a couple of friends. It was one of the most perfect rainbows we had ever seen, and a fitting ending for a most awesome road trip.

Summer Projects

Summer is here! Hurrah! Well, summer vacation at least. And to make things better the weather is finally warming up a bit. I've caught up on all of the sleep I lost during the semester, so now I can start thinking about what I want to do with all of my free time over the next three and a half months.

I actually made a list, because I love lists. There are things that I want to create, and processes or ideas that I want to research now that I've time to do more in-depth reading than is possible in the middle of the semester.

1. Paint. I've been itching to paint for a while now. It's something that I love to do, although not something I want to focus my career around. (Painting as a major seems to focus a lot on conceptual work, and although I dig conceptual pieces, sometimes I just want to make pretty pictures and fling paint around, you know?)
I was all set and ready to start painting when I realised that I can't find the canvas drop-cloth that I use to protect the table from flung paint. I get the feeling that either Mom or I put it someplace 'safe,' and that it will have to stay there indefinitely until someone finds it whilst looking for something else. And perhaps I'll just have to use a garbage bag in the interim.
I also want to improve my digital painting/colouring skills. It's something else I like to do in my free time, and a valuable skill to have considering all of my volunteer graphic work I find myself doing periodically.

2. Learn more about stop motion animation. Because I love it. Oh so very much. I want to spend my summer buried in books about animation. There's an example of one of my experiments here.

3. Digital photography. Because taking good pictures of my work is kind of an essential skill to have.

4. Create pieces to sell at the Show and Sale. The Show and Sale is a once a semester sale of student artworks. I've wanted to put work in it pretty much since I started going to the school, but found it impossible to create anything other than assigned projects during the summer. I'll probably make a lot of ear hats. Like this, only better:



I also want to exercise more, work more, garden, and start baking my own bread again. Because home-made bread is lovely.

all i want to be when i grow up is a man in a dress

It's over. School, that is. For the summer, anyway.

I managed to finish the 'man-dress' project, find a model, and get some pictures. It was a pretty hilarious photo-shoot, done entirely in public. I'm sure we terrified a lot of people. I wanted to get pictures of the frightened populace, but I'm still unsure about the ethical questions around that.

Here are the pictures. I'm too lazy to find my artist's statement about them.

End of School and Other Things

A week and a half until this term is over, and I can collapse into a pile of relieved goo. Life's been crazy these past few weeks. Between school, work, and other uncontrollable life events I haven't had time to update. Anyway, here's a quick look at one of the projects I just finished for one of my classes. I'm remarkably pleased with it.

Safe from Harm

In this piece I wanted to explore the idea of safety and protecting what one loves. Or rather, the over-protection of what one loves, particularly children. It’s natural to want to keep safe that which is precious to us, and yet it’s too easy to take this to an extreme, to the point where society tells us we need to protect children from all germs, allergens, sexual references and anything that may possibly harm them in any way. I used a second-hand stuffed toy, embroidered with the words “safe from harm,” as a metaphor for a child. With a surgical mask over its face to protect it from sickness, and placed in an acrylic case complete with bubble-wrap lining, the cow toy seems protected from any sort of mishap that could happen to it. And yet within the protective case it cannot do anything, cannot play, cannot live. It is cut off and isolated in its safety, unable to touch or be touched, or do anything that would help it learn to survive the dangers in the real, dirty world.


I've also finished the second version of the hairy "man-dress" that I was working on, and have started on a third. A wonderful friend of mine has agreed to model for me this Sunday in what shall certainly be an interesting photo shoot. *laughs*

I'm not the person I was before

I am interested in people and their stories that they tell to make their world make sense. This piece is about that story and the way that it changes over time. I picked excerpts from my own journal, each from a different point in my life. Over these I placed paper masks or faces in rice paper, translucent so that the words underneath are not completely obscured. Each face is a unique, and fragile like the illusion that we have a distinct, unchangeable identity throughout our lives instead of a series of personae worn in different times and places.


I really liked the process of this piece - it's something I made up as I went along, which is always a fun way of doing things. I created the base for the masks using plasticine covered in plastic wrap. It allowed me to create a number of completely individual faces - although I could have made them all the same if I'd so chosen - and is a flexible enough technique that I could create almost anything using it. And I love the rice paper in itself. It's such a beautiful material.

Basket Cases

Hello internet,
Life's been crazy. I'm too busy right now to right a long, involved post about what I'm up to right now; I should really go to bed in preparation for the twelve-hour day tomorrow. So here's some teasing pictures of my recent work.




Catch you all later!

Current Projects: Ornamentation, Dress Project update

Ornamentation Project:
Can I Ask You a Question?

As an openly transgendered person, I sometimes get asked a lot of questions. They can range from the profound to the inane to the downright offensive. However, my ability to be seen and identified in the way that I wish to be seen is sometimes based on my ability to answer these questions well. For example, in order to transition medically, I must prove through psychological examination that I am serious in my intent to transition from one gender to another, know the consequences of doing so, and am mentally stable enough to know my own mind.
This piece is about all of the questions I have been asked, at one time or another. The words are layered on top of each other, sometimes clear and sometimes obscured, in reflection of the way thoughts cluster in a confused mind. The fabric is flesh-toned silk, stretched awkwardly in an embroidery hoop like skin set out to cure. It is meant to be an ambiguous work, to chain you down with questions and uncertainties, but leave you with few answers.



Notes: I am quite pleased with this work, actually. This was the first time I've done any embroidery, and I enjoy the looseness and tactility of it. I think it's a process that I will continue to use in the future. I'm pleased with my artist's statement as well, which was an integral part of the project, and actually read aloud in class. *laughs* I'm such a good student.

Project update: All I want to be when I grow up is a man in a dress


This project was due last Friday. The current incarnation of the piece is about as done as it will ever be. I don't like the way this is going, and I want to do more experimentation in order to find a better direction to go in. I got quite a few good ideas of things to explore during the critique, and this is a concept that I want to see done well. It may take me all term to finish this project as much as I want, but that's all right.



It took twelve hours to sew the hair around the top of the dress. It was crazy.

I also have a flickr account of my art online now. Check it out!

Old and Current Projects: Silver Trees and Man-Dresses

So I managed to get myself through the fall semester, and have started the winter one now. At some point I will get decent documentation of the works I did, but until then I will have to make do with crappy pictures taken with my crappy camera.

I've decided to try and take more photos of my works in progress, and use this blog as a way of keeping track of what I'm doing so I can remember at a later point. Getting into the habit of documenting art is never a bad thing.


Here's a look at a couple of projects. One that I've just finished working on to my satisfaction, and another one that is still incomplete. The first was my final project for my jewellery and metals class that I took last semester. It was pretty much a free choice project, meaning you can choose to do whatever you wish, as long as you used a couple of the techniques learned in class. I chose to create a forest of silver trees done with cuttlefish casting. Mostly because it wasn't that difficult a technique, and yet creates objects with a lot of visual interest. I made a total of five individual trees out of sterling silver, each one slightly different than the others. I also made two tiny brass leaves. I created a small landscape by 'planting' the trees in a base of plasticine, and then covering the plasticine in decorative sand. At first, all I had were gravel-sized stones, but they looked like boulders in comparison with the trees, so I redid the project last week once I had found the sand and a better container. Then I created a river out of glitter and some uncut gems I've had since my trip to Sri Lanka seven years ago.



I am ridiculously pleased with the result.

One of the projects that I'm working on, for my intermediate mixed media class in Fibre, is one that is tentatively called 'All I want to be when I grow up is a man in a dress.' I am intrigued by the notions of clothing and fashion, and how one's choice of clothing reflects one's gender and identity. I am interested in how clothes are assigned gender and thus how people in turn are assigned gender based simply on what they are wearing.



I made a basic dress, using a vintage Vogue pattern as a base. I wanted it to be pretty and flowing and feminine. That way once I've finished sewing crepe hair around the top of the dress, the juxtaposition between the feminine dress and the decidedly unfeminine furriness will be creepy and, hopefully, potent.



I've run out of crepe hair, and won't be getting anymore until Tuesday at the earliest. Which means that I will probably spend all of Wednesday tying bits of hair to a dress. I daresay I don't even need to say how tedious and aggravating this process is. Although, I suppose if I managed to stay up all night gluing rhinestones to paper tentacles, I can manage this.



*laughs* This is why everyone thinks artists are crazy.

Because they ARE.